1 (edited by JeffG Sun, 19 Apr 2009 21:38:48)

Topic: EFT Session Four

Amazing!  If there was any doubt left in my mind how powerful EFT can be,it was proven last night.  I had another bag of emotions dealing with the debilative progression of my parents health. About 4 years after my diagnosis of cancer, I moved back to Maine to be there for my parents and help them in any way possible.  My Mom was advanced stage Parkinsons and dementia setting in.  My Father was the caregiver, looking after all her needs 24/7.  While doing so he ignored his own health and become severely debilatative himself, congestive heart conditioning and refused to go to the doctor to get his high blood pressure meds refilled.  It now makes sense... He felt if he did not take medication, it would counter the effect of his arteries closing up and keep his blood flowing to his heart.  Man, I did not put that senerio together.
I lived in Maine for just over 2 years before moving to Kansas.  During that time ,I did any and everything I possibally could to improve their living enviornment.  My Dad 's health was failing fast, but he put on a good act that he was fine.  Who am I to argue with my Dad.  As time went on, Mom was getting worse and she would explain to me in confidence, while depressed and crying, that she could not take it much longer.  She explained, I love your Dad so much and I Know it is not his fault.  He hollers and screams at me when I can't move .  He feels that it will get me moving and walking, but all it does is freeze me up.  She explained I know he is in pain as well but won't do nothing about it. Finally after unexplained bruises on my Mom's arms, from where my Dad would lead her around the house when needed, he unconsiously squeezed her arms until they bruised.  I started showing up unannounced and caught my Dad in a fit of rage, spit coming out of his mouth and sweat rolling down his forehead as he couldn't get my mom to stand up from the toilet and his back was hurting so bad he couldn't lift her.  So there she sat crying and him screaming.  Well it stopped as I knocked once and walked in . I said Dad, I'll help Mom you take a break.  He went to his recliner and sat down and lit up his pipe. I continued to help Mom ,still crying and saying, I try to explain to him ,that I have to wait until my my legs will work, it takes a while for things to kick in.  I just comforted her and told her it was okay. Eventually the nerve signals kicked in and up and moving wasn't an issuse for a while.  They both wanted to act like it was all normal now, like nothing ever happened. Well, I stayed calm and explained I think it was time we sit down together and talk honestly and openingly of how things are really going.  I told them That I would be back this evening with Valerie my wife and Marsha and kerry my sister and brother in law who were in town visiting and that we would discuss your current health and living arrangements and see if we can come up with a plan to make things easier for you both.
BREAK.............................Will be back.
Well, the evening came.  Hugs and kisses as usual.  Then we all sat in the living room and the discussion began.  Well It was more of a one sided ltalk. I explained before making my case, that what I /we wer going to talk about is not meant to be mean ,blaming anyone or finding fault.  I explain the situation with their health and dad being caregiver continually is teraing you apart and causing resentment between you.  I remember Dad sitting there chewing on his pipe and Mom with a look of fright but partial relief.  I gave my Dad and Mom a copy of parkinsons disease and how it wouldlbecome more debilatative and also information of caregivers and how they get burnt out.  I was nervous, very hesitant as I had never stood up to my Dad and always held great respect for how he provided for the family.  I basically explaine to them both ,that they were tearing each other apart.  Mom your in a situation where you can't help yourself at times.  Dad ,youhave helped mom 24/7 without complaing at all, but you are burnt out.  I explained that situations like this can turn to serious violent things happening before either of you would even realize it.  I then explained to Dad ,this morning , I could not believe my eyes and ears. You were in a fit of rage. I asked him did you realize how upset you were?  Out of denial he replied ,I know what I was doing.  Hollering sometimes upsets her and I know it can get her to move quicker.  I said Dad that is verbal abuse, that is the same thing as if you were slapping her in the face, do you understand verbal abuse and how sad it makes Mom.  She can't help herself.  I then reiterated the fact is Dad, your burnt out and need some help.  He said we don't need help , we are doing just fine.  I then told dad, it's like this, I love you both dearly and the last thing I want to find, is coming to visit and finding one or both of you hurt or dead, because the pressure of your situation got to the point of of total out of control actions, caused by stressful emtions. I then said Dad what do you want? Mom needs help.  You need help.  Do you want Mom to go to a nursing home or what?  Do you want to live separately or live together?  The bottom line is like I said, I will not sit back a ignore this situation and watch things magnify and see someone get hurt.  Dad replied after a few chews on the end of his pipe and Kerry finally spoke up and said He is right Harold , trying to take care of pauline is not an easy thing to do Jeff is just trying to explain and show you how serious and quickly loss of temper can happen.  He siad it's not a weakness, your just tired Harold. You worked your whole life taking care of your family and should be proud of it, but now you need to understand and swallow some pride and let someone help. Dad replied I want your mom here.  I want us to live together.  I said graet thatr is what we want. Then I went in to explaining the different programs available and how Mom would qualify for at home respite care, but some sacrifices had to be made.  Finally They aggreed to make out a power of attorney intrusting me to take care of all their business, I guess you can say.  Iset up a health assessment through the Maine Elders Foundation, worked with social security, moved what little funds they had left all into my Dad's name and mine to qualify Mom for services.  The end results was all worked out just fine. Mom more than qualified and in fact she qualified for a nursing home placement, if she chose to do so. We ended up with home help 4 hours a day for 5 days  a week.  I worked in this social welfare field, which helped things to move quite quickly.  In Fact a young lady that worked for me in one of the group homes, was very interested in the position as she was doing afternoon classes and lived only 7 miles away.  My Mom and Dad were so happy, they bragged of how great things were with the home care person, and Dad said I don't have to worry about leaving your Mom alone now  and can go to the store and pickup prescriptions now. I can actually get some things done outside. It was like a new beginining ,a cahpter in their lives.  I went a step further and went to an appointment at my mom's nuerologist and found out that my Dad had my Mom's medication and times all mixed up and it was amazing that she was functioning at all.  I bought some pill boxes and gave the list to Robin the homecare person ,who by the way, was the best healthcare provider that ever work for me.   I explained to my Dad that robin would show you exactly how to use, that it will make your life a lot easier.  After a few days , my Dad made a comment , these pill boxes really help, I can fill them all at the table for a whole week and when it's time for her pills, I just go to the next day and time.  I don't have to mess around with all her bottles of pills everytime  now.  (we had found 23 pills of different kinds under his recliner from where he had previously fumbled with getting her meds.  Bottom line and time to close.....Last nights guided EFT session and tapping took me through the issues of sadness, guilt, the arkward feeling, of standing up to my Dad.  Can you believe or I couldn't, that I did stand up to him out of love for him and Mom.  This is something us kids never did with Dad, if you know what I mean.  I felt that I bruised his pride and manliness and embarrassed him at the time.  It did not feel good to see my strong, grit your teeth, and press on despite the pain Dad; accept change and that he was wrong and did need help.  I understand it had to be done, but I felt until now, I had broken his spirit and really hurt him, as much as it bothered and hurt me. Iwas having pain in my left shoulder last night, as well as my ribs.  I have not slept more than 2 hours at a time for the last 2-3 weeks every night.  Slept 2 hours up 35-45 minutes, then slept another 2 hours every single night this was happening.  Guess what?  No pain to my left arm shoulder at all! still some irritation in my ribs.  But the biggest accomplishment of tapping, was I slept all night long!  I woke up 3 minutes before the arlarm went off.  My wife, during the night had gone to the spare room because of my snoring.  I got up and went to her almost like an excited child Ha! and told her Babe I slept the whole dog gone night.  I didn't even get up to pee.(no I didn't pee to bed).  And my arm, I still have no pain, I just feel good.  I don't have that half asleep bumping in to walls feeling.  My wife managed a little grin and said, look at my eyes ,how dark they are? and said ,we have to do something about your snoring. Ha! Well babe, I said, lets do some tapping together tonight and see if it might help.  She agreed.  That's all folks. Oh, it was wierd Oprah had another segment on her show last night about the power of our bodies energy. It was about accupuncture from what EFT was derived from.

God Bless you all!  And Cheerios for Now!
Jeff G.

Take it to the Limit,One More Time! (Eagles)

Re: EFT Session Four

Love it Jeff.  I'm so glad this has turned into such a powerful resource, way of life or whatever you want to call it.  Power, feeling in control, WOW.  You're just dropping baggage by the boatload.  Gotta' work on the snoring though.  Take care.  Charlie and I talk of you often and hold you in our hearts and prayers. 

Carol

Re: EFT Session Four

Jeff, you're amazing! I'm going through a smaller-scale version of this right now with my elderly parents (Dad with dementia and uncontrolled diabetes, Mom callous and grudging) and it can be SO painful, and so difficult to stand up to a parent in a firm but loving way. It's tremendous how you're working through all these difficult experiences in your past.

I have to say, one of the only good things about having this disease is it gives us a powerful incentive to sort through all our burdens from the past and straighten out our relationships, since time is so precious to us.

Rock on!

Kristin

Peace, hope, and healing to all!